Are my actions really just as effective (or defective) as my words? You bet!! (And trust me, I am not preaching, but sharing experiences, here... remember that... some of us learn things the hard way...) So let's take a stroll through another scenario.
You're seated at a table in a restaurant. You're with your family (whomever that may be: close friends, spouse and kids, parents, coworker that you're really close to, etc.). You're really hungry (because maybe your group has waited just a little too long to decide where to go for dinner). You're a little antsy. You're a little anxious. And that server is just not coming to your table quick enough for your liking. What are you gonna do?
Maybe your typical go-to is to call the server over politely (waiting patiently for him/her to arrive), very quietly and calmly remind them that you've been sitting for a while and have not been visited, and ask how long it might be before you're serviced. OR maybe your go-to is to display a huge scowl on your face, make a scene waving your arms in the air with the intent to get a manager's attention first and very loudly explain to the manager (so that everyone else in the restaurant can hear) that you've been waiting long enough and that you demand some service NOW.
Both of these responses include verbal and non verbal communication. But it's really your actions (the non verbal communication) that add the most impact in this situation. The waving of your arms in the air versus very calmly sitting and waiting until someone comes to your beckoning. The raising of your voice and scowl on your face directed toward the manager (and the rest of the world) versus the gentle soft-toned side conversation with the server. Each of these choices directly affect you and those around you. It affects how you're treated in return, the rate in which you achieve satisfaction, and, believe it or not, how you feel about yourself when the situation is over.
Bottom Line.... you always have at least two choices of action...be sure you choose the best one.
And remember.... "The road of life can take you many places. It's how you navigate that determines where you end up."
Stick around...we've just started to hit the tip of the iceberg with the principles of common sense.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Chapter 1 Cont. : Now Put Some MORE Thought Into it
Ok. So you've thought about your actions before you're committed to a road you can't return from. And you've decided "maybe I don't want to say that" or "maybe things are not going to turn out so hot if I do say that" or "that might actually hurt someones feelings if I do that". So what do you do next? (And remember, you're thinking on your feet here.) You put some more thought into it and you come up with an alternative.
Always keep in mind that your message can be delivered in many different ways. A good friend once taught me "you can say anything you want to say; its all in how you say it!" (Thanks, Angele!!) Now... Also remember that a message can be delivered in many different ways, as well. You communicate with spoken and unspoken methods. Body language sometimes says just as much as any one word out of your mouth. If you're going to roll those eyes or tilt those hips or cross your arms or even a combination of any of these, you're going to send just as much of a negative message as you are when you speak with a harsh or sarcastic tone.
Your chosen words are very important here. To use a very simple example, most of us teach our children to say "Yes, Ma'am / Yes, Sir" and "No, Ma'am / No, Sir" for a reason. Its so much more respectful and easily accepted as a response. So let's think about that same premise in our every day adult lives. You have to tell a coworker that you simply are bogged down with your own work and cannot help him/her do his work to meet that timeline. Its a difficult conversation to have. You don't want to say no because you want to help, but deep down inside you're a little peeved that he/she would even ask because ANYONE can see you're busy too, right? How do you respond? You COULD say, "Jack, dude, you're going to have to do your own work" or "Susie, I don't have time for you. I've got too much to do". Both of those are pretty blunt (but honest) approaches. Are they easily digestible and will they be easily accepted by your coworkers? Will you still have an amicable working relationship (or even friendship) when you're done? Probably not. Instead, you COULD say, "Jack, I apologize, I've got more on my plate than I realized. I can't really stop what I'm doing. Maybe we can work out a compromise and split up our tasks and work together by priority" (meaning you help me and I'll help you) OR "Susie, I'm sorry. It turns out my workload has shifted priorities and I really don't have time to spare. Maybe if you could ask Jane to help you this time, I'll pitch in next go-round". Same message... just thought through and delivered a little differently. And I can guarantee you it would be received in a completely different light.
Next blog, we'll talk more about actions and not just words. AND eventually in future chapters we're going to apply common sense to planning and organizing...because we ALL know when you're the one in charge of making a decision, no matter how large or small, your abilities to think things through and apply common sense affect others just as much as they affect you!! Keep coming back for more.... we're going to write a book here before it's over. :)
As always, Remember......"The road of life can take you many places. It's how you navigate that determines where you end up."
Always keep in mind that your message can be delivered in many different ways. A good friend once taught me "you can say anything you want to say; its all in how you say it!" (Thanks, Angele!!) Now... Also remember that a message can be delivered in many different ways, as well. You communicate with spoken and unspoken methods. Body language sometimes says just as much as any one word out of your mouth. If you're going to roll those eyes or tilt those hips or cross your arms or even a combination of any of these, you're going to send just as much of a negative message as you are when you speak with a harsh or sarcastic tone.
Your chosen words are very important here. To use a very simple example, most of us teach our children to say "Yes, Ma'am / Yes, Sir" and "No, Ma'am / No, Sir" for a reason. Its so much more respectful and easily accepted as a response. So let's think about that same premise in our every day adult lives. You have to tell a coworker that you simply are bogged down with your own work and cannot help him/her do his work to meet that timeline. Its a difficult conversation to have. You don't want to say no because you want to help, but deep down inside you're a little peeved that he/she would even ask because ANYONE can see you're busy too, right? How do you respond? You COULD say, "Jack, dude, you're going to have to do your own work" or "Susie, I don't have time for you. I've got too much to do". Both of those are pretty blunt (but honest) approaches. Are they easily digestible and will they be easily accepted by your coworkers? Will you still have an amicable working relationship (or even friendship) when you're done? Probably not. Instead, you COULD say, "Jack, I apologize, I've got more on my plate than I realized. I can't really stop what I'm doing. Maybe we can work out a compromise and split up our tasks and work together by priority" (meaning you help me and I'll help you) OR "Susie, I'm sorry. It turns out my workload has shifted priorities and I really don't have time to spare. Maybe if you could ask Jane to help you this time, I'll pitch in next go-round". Same message... just thought through and delivered a little differently. And I can guarantee you it would be received in a completely different light.
Next blog, we'll talk more about actions and not just words. AND eventually in future chapters we're going to apply common sense to planning and organizing...because we ALL know when you're the one in charge of making a decision, no matter how large or small, your abilities to think things through and apply common sense affect others just as much as they affect you!! Keep coming back for more.... we're going to write a book here before it's over. :)
As always, Remember......"The road of life can take you many places. It's how you navigate that determines where you end up."
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Chapter 1: Think First!!!!!
You ever had one of those moments when you wish you could take back something you said? Or you think back on it immediately after it has left your pie hole and wonder "where in the heck did that come from?" Or maybe you've done something that you wish you had done differently? Or better yet, you've reacted on the fly to something that turned out a little differently than you were expecting? Maybe even been a little embarrassed by your actions or the actions of someone else? Yeah, we've all had those moments. And we've all walked away from a situation shaking our heads at something we or someone else said or did.
Well...never fear....The answer is here!!! THINK BEFORE YOU SAY IT OR DO IT!!!
Hear me when I say this (and trust me, I speak from daily experience here!!).... it doesn't matter how important it is or how urgent it seems or even how much pressure you're getting from that colleague under a deadline or the head pastor that needs his bulletin finished or the kid sitting next to you in class that is going to fail the test if you don't hurry up and finish so he/she can cheat off of your paper or even the parent that is late picking up his/her child that thinks you just have to put their kid in the car a little faster because they have somewhere else they just HAVE to be.....it doesn't even matter that it's way past meal time and you've just sat down at the table in your favorite restaurant and need a glass of tea NOW (and I mean PRONTO!!)....whatever it is that is about to roll off of your tongue or enter into that brain of yours that you must do next, STOP.....THINK ABOUT IT....and DO NOT (whatever you do) REACT IMMEDIATELY. Put some thought into it for just a few moments. Consider the consequences. Think about how you'd choose for the other person to react if you were on the receiving end of your own chosen reaction. Choose your words and/or your actions very carefully and wisely.... never on the fly.
Remember......"The road of life can take you many places. It's how you navigate that determines where you end up."
Stay tuned for more in Chapter 1: Think First!!
Prologue
Welcome to my newest and favorite blog.... The Not-So-Common Practice of Common Sense. Together we're going to explore the things that make you go "hmmmmm....did he really say that?" or "wow... if she'd only thought about that before she said it".
We're going to venture down the road of things that you THINK everyone should know (but more often than not we find out most people don't.) We're going to have a few laughs at the expense of ourselves (and maybe even a few others). We're going to shed a few tears over the things we wish we had done differently. And most importantly, we're going to learn a few things about ourselves and begin to reflect on how we can apply a few principles to our every day life... principles that will make our lives easier, give us more time to spend doing the things we like do, and cut out the time we spend repeating the things we really don't like to do.
I hope you find the blog enjoyable to read. The intent of this blog is to one day (just maybe) be published. Its for your enjoyment and reading pleasure, as well as for my practice and self reflection. If you read something that you don't really agree with, please don't shoot the messenger; just reflect on the words...read it again (and maybe even again). See if there is a message in there somewhere for you. And please feel free to drop me a note with hints about topics you'd like to see included. The voices in my head send me all kinds of ideas, but the ADD gets in our way sometimes..... if I don't jot my thoughts down in the middle of the night when I have them, sometimes I may not write about them for days (or even months!!!). Kidding.... (well, maybe a little...) :)
Soooo...stay tuned.....tomorrow is a new chapter in the book of our lives.... and remember "The road of life can take you many places. It's how you navigate that determines where you end up...."
We're going to venture down the road of things that you THINK everyone should know (but more often than not we find out most people don't.) We're going to have a few laughs at the expense of ourselves (and maybe even a few others). We're going to shed a few tears over the things we wish we had done differently. And most importantly, we're going to learn a few things about ourselves and begin to reflect on how we can apply a few principles to our every day life... principles that will make our lives easier, give us more time to spend doing the things we like do, and cut out the time we spend repeating the things we really don't like to do.
I hope you find the blog enjoyable to read. The intent of this blog is to one day (just maybe) be published. Its for your enjoyment and reading pleasure, as well as for my practice and self reflection. If you read something that you don't really agree with, please don't shoot the messenger; just reflect on the words...read it again (and maybe even again). See if there is a message in there somewhere for you. And please feel free to drop me a note with hints about topics you'd like to see included. The voices in my head send me all kinds of ideas, but the ADD gets in our way sometimes..... if I don't jot my thoughts down in the middle of the night when I have them, sometimes I may not write about them for days (or even months!!!). Kidding.... (well, maybe a little...) :)
Soooo...stay tuned.....tomorrow is a new chapter in the book of our lives.... and remember "The road of life can take you many places. It's how you navigate that determines where you end up...."
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